Handling Conflict with Friends: What Would Jesus Do (WWJD)?

Conflict is an inevitable part of any close relationship, including friendships. Disagreements and misunderstandings can arise even between the best of friends, leading to hurt feelings and tension. When faced with such conflicts, one might ask, "What Would Jesus Do (WWJD)?" Reflecting on Jesus' teachings and actions provides valuable insights into how to navigate these challenging situations with love, forgiveness, and a focus on reconciliation.

Understanding the Nature of Conflict

Conflict in friendships often stems from differences in opinions, misunderstandings, or unmet expectations. While some conflicts can be resolved quickly, others may escalate, leading to a breakdown in communication and trust. The emotional investment in close friendships can make these conflicts particularly painful, as both parties may feel betrayed, misunderstood, or hurt.

In dealing with conflicts, it is essential to remember that the goal is not to "win" the argument or prove the other person wrong, but rather to restore the relationship and find a peaceful resolution. This perspective aligns with Jesus' approach to handling conflicts, which emphasizes love, forgiveness, and reconciliation over division and strife.

Jesus' Teachings on Conflict Resolution

Jesus' teachings offer a profound guide for resolving conflicts, particularly those that arise in close relationships. One of the most relevant passages is found in Matthew 18:15-17, where Jesus provides specific instructions for handling disputes:

1. Address the Issue Privately: "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over." Here, Jesus emphasizes the importance of addressing the issue directly and privately, rather than allowing it to fester or involving others unnecessarily. This approach helps to prevent the escalation of the conflict and allows for a more honest and open conversation.

2. Handling Conflict with Friends: You have a disagreement with a close friend, and both of you are upset. WWJD? Jesus would approach the situation with love, forgiveness, and a desire for reconciliation, focusing on resolving the issue peacefully."But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'" If the initial conversation does not lead to resolution, Jesus advises involving trusted individuals who can provide objective support and guidance. This step should be taken with the intent of seeking reconciliation, not to gang up on the other person.

3. Seek Reconciliation: "If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." While this passage might seem harsh, it reflects the seriousness of unresolved conflict. Jesus' reference to treating someone "as a pagan or a tax collector" does not suggest shunning them, but rather acknowledges the need to approach the situation with continued love and the hope of eventual reconciliation.

Applying Jesus' Teachings to Modern Conflicts

In modern contexts, applying Jesus' teachings can help navigate conflicts in a way that prioritizes the relationship over the disagreement. Here are some practical steps based on these teachings:

1. Initiate a Private Conversation: When conflict arises, it is crucial to address the issue directly with the friend involved. This conversation should take place in a private setting where both parties feel safe to express their feelings without fear of judgment or public embarrassment. Approaching the situation with humility and a genuine desire to understand the other person's perspective can pave the way for a constructive dialogue.

2. Listen with Empathy: One of the key aspects of resolving conflict is active listening. Jesus often listened to those who approached Him, offering compassion and understanding. In a conflict with a friend, it is important to listen to their concerns without interrupting or immediately defending oneself. Empathy allows for a deeper understanding of the underlying issues and demonstrates a commitment to the friendship.

3. Express Your Feelings Honestly: While listening is important, it is also essential to express one's own feelings honestly and respectfully. Jesus was never afraid to speak the truth, but He did so with love and grace. When discussing the conflict, use "I" statements (e.g., "I felt hurt when...") to express how the situation affected you personally, rather than blaming or accusing the other person.

4. Seek Common Ground: In many conflicts, there is common ground that both parties can agree on, even if they have different perspectives. Jesus often found ways to connect with others, even those who were initially opposed to His message. By identifying shared values or goals, friends can work together to find a resolution that respects both viewpoints.

5. Offer and Accept Forgiveness: Forgiveness is a central theme in Jesus' teachings. In Matthew 18:21-22, Jesus tells Peter that forgiveness should be offered "not seven times, but seventy-seven times," emphasizing the importance of continual forgiveness. In a conflict with a friend, offering forgiveness for any wrongs committed, whether intentional or not, is crucial for healing. Similarly, being willing to accept an apology and forgive the other person can help restore the relationship.

6. Involve a Mediator if Needed: If the conflict cannot be resolved through direct conversation, involving a neutral third party can be helpful. This could be a mutual friend, a counselor, or a spiritual advisor who can provide perspective and help facilitate a productive discussion. The goal of involving a mediator should always be to seek reconciliation, not to "win" the argument.

7. Focus on Reconciliation and Healing: Ultimately, the goal of handling conflict in a way that aligns with Jesus' teachings is reconciliation. This means not only resolving the immediate issue but also taking steps to restore and strengthen the friendship. This might involve setting new boundaries, making amends, or simply spending time together to rebuild trust.

The Power of Love in Conflict Resolution

Central to Jesus' approach to conflict resolution is the power of love. In John 13:34-35, Jesus commands His followers to "love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this, everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." This commandment underscores the importance of love as the foundation for all interactions, including those that involve conflict.

Love, in the context of conflict resolution, means prioritizing the well-being of the other person and the relationship over the need to be right or to "win." It means approaching the situation with kindness, patience, and a willingness to understand the other person's perspective. It also means being willing to make sacrifices or compromises for the sake of the relationship.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, the Apostle Paul provides a beautiful description of love that can serve as a guide for handling conflicts with friends:

- Love is patient and kind: In a conflict, it is easy to become impatient or frustrated. However, approaching the situation with patience and kindness can help de-escalate tensions and create a more positive atmosphere for resolution.

- Love does not envy or boast: During a disagreement, it is important to avoid letting pride or jealousy cloud one's judgment. Love focuses on the needs of the other person rather than on one's ego.

- Love is not arrogant or rude: Maintaining respect for the other person, even in the heat of an argument, is crucial. Love seeks to build up, not tear down.

- Love does not insist on its own way: Compromise is often necessary in resolving conflicts. Love is willing to put the relationship above personal preferences or desires.

- Love is not irritable or resentful: Holding onto anger or resentment can prolong and intensify conflict. Love seeks to forgive and move forward.

- Love rejoices with the truth: Being honest and transparent in a conflict is essential. Love does not shy away from difficult conversations but handles them with integrity.

- Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things: True love is enduring and resilient. It seeks the best for the other person and remains committed to the relationship, even through difficulties.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation: The Heart of Jesus’ Message

Forgiveness is not only a key component of resolving conflict but also lies at the heart of Jesus' message. In the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:12), Jesus teaches His followers to pray, "And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." This reflects the idea that forgiveness is a two-way street; just as we seek forgiveness from others, we must also be willing to extend it.

Reconciliation, which involves restoring a relationship to a state of harmony and peace, is the ultimate goal of conflict resolution according to Jesus' teachings. In 2 Corinthians 5:18-19, Paul speaks of the "ministry of reconciliation" that has been entrusted to believers, emphasizing that reconciliation is a core aspect of the Christian life.

When handling conflict with a friend, aiming for reconciliation means doing whatever is necessary to restore the relationship. This might involve taking responsibility for one's actions, making amends, or simply expressing a genuine desire to move past the disagreement and rebuild the friendship.

When faced with a conflict with a friend, asking "What Would Jesus Do?" provides a clear and compassionate path forward. Jesus' teachings and actions emphasize the importance of addressing conflicts directly, listening with empathy, expressing feelings honestly, and seeking reconciliation through love and forgiveness.

By following Jesus' example, one can handle conflicts in a way that not only resolves the immediate issue but also strengthens the friendship in the long run. Whether through initiating a private conversation, offering and accepting forgiveness, or focusing on reconciliation, Jesus' approach to conflict resolution serves as a timeless guide for maintaining and nurturing healthy, loving relationships.